That's great. Yeah.
Well, I know you have a chapter also
on creating legacy projects,
and that's something that I'm really interested in,
and I really enjoyed reading that in the book,
and I think it's something so valuable that we can offer
to people who are dying that we're working with,
so, would you talk to us a little bit more
about legacy projects?
Sure. Well, I love doing legacy projects too.
I find that it's a very creative part of doula work
and caregiving, to be able to have somebody lean
into their legacy in a way that's meaningful to them.
Now, legacy work isn't for everybody.
Some people really wanna focus on doing
some healing with broken relationships,
or maybe they wanna do some spiritual healing first,
and so, you have to figure out if it's for every client.
But once you get a client that's excited about legacy,
I tend to get very excited about it too
because there's just so much there,
there's so many opportunities,
and so, you know, to me legacy projects are a win-win
because it's good for the client to be
contemplating their life and their legacy,
and you know, what their life has been all about,
and what matters to them in terms of their passions,
and things like that 'cause they're often wrapped up
in the legacy project,
but it's also a benefit for family members who are
left behind, or loved ones who might learn something
or have a memento of their loved ones after they die,
but the main reason I think legacy projects are important is
because people don't want to be forgotten,
and so, how do you help people
to have their legacies, their stories,
you know, the fact that they were here living on the planet,
matter and become a memory for others after.
So to me, it's part about, it's partially about the life
they've lived. You know, everybody's gonna leave a legacy
whether they choose to or not,
so there's the internal legacy,
but the projects are usually tangible
that I do with my clients.
They're usually something that represents the person.
So, as I'm talking to my client, I'm always listening
for things that might apply to their legacy for a project.
Are they a gardener? Are they a cook?
Did they like to travel?
Did they write things down in a journal their whole life?
Are they artistic? You know, are they into math?
Do they have a book collection?
You know, I'm paying attention to things that might
come out down the road as a possible legacy project
as a hobby or a passion,
or something that they used to bring joy to their lives.
So, usually these unique type of legacy projects percolate
over time as clients, you know, begin to share their story,
but if not, there's several kind of tried and true
legacy projects I like to suggest,
and I'm happy to share a few with you
if you wanna know what I do with my clients.
Yeah, please do, and I love this.
I love, this is one of the greatest things
that death doulas offer to their patients that,
at least when I was in hospice,
no one ever really had time to sit down with a patient,
and do this type of a legacy project,
and it's just so important because as you said
one of our greatest fears is that
no one will remember us when we're gone,
and so it's so valuable, so yes,
please share some ideas with us.
Okay, I'll share a couple.
I know there's some in the workbook, and in the book
there's so many different ones, and you can even find one
and then modify it to meet the needs of your client,
or your person that you're working with, or for yourself
even if you're going to do one,
but a couple of my favorite ones are,
I like to go around the house and use what's already there,
because to me, a lot of times clients
aren't going out anymore. By the time we get to them,
a lot of times they're not, they don't have the energy
or they're not leaving their home,
and I think it's really appropriate in legacy work
to use what already exists,
because that's part of their legacy.
It's already there.
So, one of the things I like to do is
to go around the house with a client and gather gifts.
Items that are meaningful that to them,
that they might think are meaningful to someone else.
So we'll go gather, you know,
recently the client I did it with,
we gathered ballet slippers.
We gathered a scarf and hat, we gathered a calligraphy bit
that she had drawn, she loved calligraphy.
Another one was a few postcards from a trip,
of a certain place that she shared with someone else,
and so we end up with a collection of items
that she wants to give to each person who she loves,
and then I bring the next time, and sometimes this takes two
or three visits to collect all these items,
and then one time I'll come with wrapping paper and ribbon,
and we'll talk, this is part of life review,
this is how legacy becomes life review,
because as we're wrapping the gifts, we're talking.
We're talking about the relationship with that person.
We're talking about how that person's gonna remember them.
We're writing a card after we wrap it to that person,
and the client might write it if they can still write,
or they'll dictate it to me,
and I'll write it, and we save these gifts,
and some clients might like to save them
for a holiday celebration,
but a lot of times clients will say, "After I die,
I want you to pass these gifts out to my loved ones."
You know, and the same sometimes I'll do with a letter
that they wanna read at the memorial,
or they want me to read to the family after they die,
and another one that I did that I really enjoyed was
this person had a book collection, but it was,
they had moved into a smaller living facility
so it wasn't packed with thousands of books,
it was just maybe 80 books or so,
but their favorite books of their entire life.
So, we went through the books, and we picked out a book
for each person for them to leave,
and then they went in the book and they wrote a note
to the person they wanted to leave that book to,
and then I had them all, you know, listed,
so after the person died, I was able to tell the family
as they go through the the book collection,
that there was one in there for each person,
and that was really beautiful and special,
and that person's bookshelf happened to of been sitting
right next to the chair that they sat in for years.
So every time they had visitors,
the bookshelf was right behind them,
and it was a meaningful part of that person's life.
So, it was a great legacy project, and you can do that
with recipes, putting together recipes books.
You can do that with gardens and, you know,
giving plants or giving cuttings from succulents,
and so you get to know the people that you're working with,
and you find legacy projects,
but there's also ones that you can look for
because most people have books, and most people have recipes
or some kind of, something that they like cooking
on a regular basis that you can put together for the family,
and if not, you can always ask if your client
wants to write a letter, or leave birthday cards
for the following year for people in their lives,
and that's a very meaningful legacy project as well.
Mm hm. That's really beautiful,
and I just admire the creativity you have in the moment
because obviously it's something that happens
differently for every person.
You just go in the house, and you kind of figure it out
with them, how you can help them leave a legacy,
and that's really wonderful.
Thank you. I really enjoy it.
It's actually, it covers so many bases
about digging into the hard conversations,
and the heart work, you know, it's just joyful work to me.
I've seen it many times, many people
who want to leave something as a legacy
but have no idea where to begin,
and they really do need some help, just some suggestions
and ideas, and another person to help them make that happen,
and so that's really wonderful.
I love all those ideas, especially the books,
'cause I love books so much that how cherished
would that be to receive a book from someone
with a special note written inside as a keepsake.
Yeah, I do that more and more
because it was so meaningful, and every time I've done
something like that, where there's somebody had written
a handwritten, you know,
there's a handwritten note, if they can,
that's just such a beautiful thing.
Yeah, that's lovely, and these days
so many of us have books sitting on shelves
that we aren't sure what to do with anyway, (chuckles)
and I mean that's even a legacy project people
could start working on at any time, you know,
thinking about, wow, someday
who would I like to give this book to,
and could start going through their library
and thinking about that.
Yeah, it's true.